Sorry, not sorry. Forgiveness and pardoning and Mo’ne Davis

Sorry-not-Sorry-by-Albert-Barroso
First off, I’m not always actually sorry when I say things. I’m Canadian. I apologize frequently for things both within and outside my control. It’s just something I automatically say when I feel fury and can’t quite figure out why I’m angry.

Usually I’m hungry.

Sometimes, though, it’s pretty well placed, even if I can’t quite sort it out internally yet. Sometimes I’m just plain-old #sorrynotsorry.

After reading an article that my partner sent to me that Mo’ne Davis had forgiven Joey Cassleberry, an adult college-level ball player, for calling her a slut on Twitter, asked that he be reinstated to his team, and was lauded for it, I was furious. Really furious. And yet, I couldn’t really put my finger on it. So I apologized for being grouchy.

patriarchy
But I wasn’t grouchy. And I wasn’t really sorry. I was angry. I was, in fact, a very angry feminist, as you can tell by my use of “the patriarchy.”

Listen, Mo’ne Davis should be really proud of herself. I would be thrilled if she were my kid. She shows a strength in character that is laudable.

The reason I am furious is that this even came to be. That she had something and someone to forgive. That society has to praise her for being a bigger person. I’m so angry that she has grown up in a world where this lovely specimen of a human (see below) being deserves to be given “a second chance.”
Mone-tweet

Forgiving him is one thing. Forgiving him allows her to move on with her own life, to move forward, to feel no resentment. Forgiveness is an amazing thing.

This dude can be forgiven by Mo’ne, but in no way do I believe he deserves a pardon. A pardon is “the remission of punishment and release from penalty.”

Let him back on the team then?

I mean. Come. On.

How many times has he called another woman a slut before this tweet?

What about a child? How many times has he called a young girl a slut?

Mo’ne is a child. A girl who is amazing at her sport and smart and successful. The resulting reaction of an adult on the internet is to slut-shame her.

Forgive away, but do not pardon this creep.

The internet is a scary place for women. The anonymity of Twitter, Facebook, blogging, and chat rooms (plus about a thousand other platforms I am now too old to be familiar with) allows misogyny to run rampant.

I was at the local International Women’s Day event a few weeks ago and the event was using the hashtag #FeministParty2015 and it brought out both the feminist love and the now expected threats of violence.

femparty

Women shouldn’t expect to be trolled, to be threatened, or be called a slut online or anywhere. But we are. It’s expected. It’s scary, but anticipated. And it needs to stop.

It won’t stop if people continue to get away with it.

If a grown man chooses to call a young woman a slut online because his masculinity is threatened by her success, there should be no societal expectation for that girl to forgive him and ask for his reinstatement. Instead, he should face the consequences.

She can forgive, but I sure as hell won’t forget, and I hope Bloomsburg University doesn’t either.

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